Ghost of Birthday Past

I recently celebrated a Birthday, and after the celebrations have come and gone it seems as though I’m looking at Birthdays in such a different way.  Since childhood we are encouraged to look at our birthday as a day where we celebrate us, and we focus on what we’ve done and where we are going, and having our close family and friends around us to dance and sing Queen and jump around because that’s what we do.  But what is interesting is that our Birthday only comes once a year, and it acts as the ultimate palimpsest:  we reflect on the past year and a new person emerges each Birthday.


In my case the past few Birthdays have been kind of strange, I mean my university birthdays have included alcohol, and since my 20th I’ve decided to be a better Lady every time a year passes, and I think I’ve succeeded, but I’ve become sharply aware of the person I was a year ago.  For example this year I am a lot more confident, smiley, proud, and determined than last year.  To be fair last year I was exhausted and overwhelmed and in grief, but a different lady nonetheless.


I think it’s an interesting phenomenon, the Birth Day, we celebrate US.  Everyone celebrates differently, everyone talks about growing older and thinks about getting older in different ways.  I find all of this strange, because if anything these Birthdays just get us closer to…?  Death?  Morbid.  Individuation?  Jungian.  It gets us closer to who we are eventually going to become.  I don’t believe in fate anymore, I just believe in what we choose to be.


The thing about being 22 is that I feel like I just want my life to start already but I know that it has already started.  When do I actually become “grown?”  Questions seem to appear and very little answers come.