(Not) Back to School Blues

In the midst of back to school chaos I have found myself sort of stunted both muse-wise and life-wise. I am taking a hiatus on my….career? Not really, I continue to work on my theatrical career let it be writing, networking and reading up/researching on the theories that I love. I guess my career isn’t on hold, so what is, exactly? My academic career for sure, but I feel as though I need to break through this metaphorical barrier of “Back to School.”

This “breaking through” began on Thursday when my mum rushed into my room after visiting Wal Mart and buying my 13-year-old brother’s back to school “last minute” essentials (which happened to be the most essential: backpack, pencil case and shoes) with a small handful of bits and bobs and a smile. Leave it to my mom to not let anyone feel left out, and after describing her “haul” of Kyle’s things she handed me the things she had bought for me.

“These are your back to school things,” she had said, and handed me a small box of fancy new sharpie pens, a cute green and white polka-dotted notebook, and (my favourite) Chef Michael Smith “Family CookBook” (which I knew was on sale and regretted not buying earlier this month). I started to cry, because these weren’t the traditional B2S materials, but they were perfect for me.

The sharpie markers embody my need to write boldly on everything at the moment. The back of my door (see my post on Inspiration Boards) is covered in sharpie marker lists, and I write most of my to-dos, post-its, and various other things in these markers. As I embark on a new theatre-journey with close friends I believe we will take these sharpie markers and use them to our advantage in a few weeks’ time where we will decorate, brainstorm, and showcase our creativity with them as they were born to do.

The notebook, which now sits to my left at my newly organized desk, is pink on the inside, and is honestly the most writing-inspiring notebook I’ve received since my twentieth birthday. It has crisp clean pages, and is completely blank. I think it is bound for lists (as most of my notebooks are) and I just know that inside of it I will put to-do’s, to-buys, and to-writes. It is inviting, and that is all I needed today.

Except for the cookbook. The cookbook that I had flipped through while waiting for mum the last time we were in Wal Mart and found a tasty looking salad, and had debated going back to pick up, it was on sale for pete’s sake why didn’t I just go for it? I am really into exercising my cooking skills lately, and would like to expand a bit more, and Chef Michael is my absolutely favourite chef for his at-home atmosphere and his dear love of deliciousness. I want to be good at making something, anything, and this cookbook was another addition to why I needed to get back on taking care of me instead of worrying about taking a break.

Thanks mum, it really meant a lot to me.

To anyone who is going back to school this week I wish you the best of luck! The first week is always the best, because you snip off the new tags off your clothes, you get to open your binders and notebooks for the first time, and you don’t hate your teachers at this point in the semester. To those moving onto jobs or new ventures: you are inspiring and lovely and I hope everything is exactly what you wanted or is bringing you to where you want to go, if it isn’t, make it happen! And to anyone who is like me, and is in sort of a stand still and needing a bit of motivation: take it from me that it is not going to be easy to accept that you are standing still, but remember and try to realise that IT IS OKAY. You are allowed to BE YOU for a while, so enjoy it, embrace it, and be fabulous.
Xx Jess

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