Good morning friends and happy Monday! What a beautiful day it is! Just kidding, its grey and tired looking outside, and everyone seems to be a bit begrudging the work week beginning (especially after a beautiful/muggy weekend) but I am optimistic as the long weekend approaches (short week, huzzah!) and I have a busy week planned indeed! Today I thought I’d look at some of the strange, real things that I have to deal with on a daily basis!
A few months ago I got a new fake eye put in, and that my friends is an example of an independent clause that I literally say in my real life. Real life to each individual is generally strange out of context, nick names, inside jokes, but a frequent asked question that I get is “so, do yous leep with your fake eye in?” and that my friends is normal for me (I do sleep with my fake eye in, I don’t take it out unless it is uncomfortable). But the strange thing about my real life is that its extremely inconsistent and unpredictable… Soud familiar? Good, because that’s how life SHOULD be, who wants to live a life that always has the same things coming up around the corner? I just sometimes find myself working through some hard to swallow inquiries on my own, and thought I’d elaborate on a few.
Should I start learning Braille?
You may or may not be the wiser that I am legally blind. I have very limited vision in my right eye, and my eye specialists are quite sure that my eyesight can go one of two ways: it can stay the same, or it can get worse. If they choose to go down the second road, then I feel like I should prepare myself and learn braille and figure out some accessible routes that I can go down. I hate this idea, however, because it hasn’t happened yet, and I love the way that I see now. I am grateful for the sight that I do have, and don’t want to jinx it by learning new tips. Maybe as a hobby, but Braille doesn’t quite interest me as other things do. This, my friends, is a predicament indeed.
PostGraduate Education vs. the Working World
The idea that I will not be making a steady income for a few years infuriates me, and yet I am still drawn unwavering to further education. I love theories, I love learning, I love teaching and workshops and everything that comes with the Masters degree that I am pursuing this fall. I love research, and I love working with professionals. I think the hardest part is that there is a huge unknown, a huge Question Mark at the end of the Masters program when I’ve finished my thesis and that is: Will it be worth it? Will it be giving me a job in some way? Will I ever be working for longer than a four month period?
Where do I want to live?
With a roommate? In Toronto? With my family? With a boyfriend? Alone? Alone. Will I be safe? Will I feel scared? Do I feel comfortable living alnoe? How much do I want to pay? How much can I pay through the year without working? Why can’t I just find a place yet? Why have I not been satisfied with my living situation since I was 20 years old? I just want to find a nice place to live and stay there for a few years. I am ready.
Why can’t I commit to a solo creative outlet?
I’ve started writing a web series, a comic book, three or four new plays, a new blog full of poetry, countless notebooks full of everything, and the only thing that has stuck is this blog and it has yet to be extremely creative. I want to be able to write, daily, something that isn’t prose, but the plays that I’m working on are uninspired and the other work is all…not the right time. I need to find the project that is RIGHT for right now.
Is anything worth it?
I’ll leave this open-ended, because I think on this constantly. OF COURSE my life is worth it, and being strong and driven is worth it, but is what I want to do, the things that I am passionate about and are interested in, theatre, women, equality, accessibility, advocacy, is this worth it in relation to eachother? Am I doing the right thing? Can I make any change at all?
Hope all of you are havinga lovely Monday!