Dear, dear friends,
My it has been a while since I opened up this internet window…Should I apologize? Should I beg for forgiveness? I’ve been swamped (understatement) with work, work, rehearsals, work, and friends a bit. Things have come and things have gone, things have changed, and in particular…I have changed. Hi hey hello, its still me, Jess, but you might not recognize me.
My hair hasn’t changed. I’m still somewhat short, somewhat swuishy, somewhat brunette little me. I’m still heading off to my masters this fall, and still living in a studio apartment in Toronto, but there’s something sort of…shifted, inside of me. It might have been work, it might’ve been the city rubbing off on me, but man there’s just a little bit off here. Not off, that’s silly to say, I’m just a different version of me. How do I know? Its simple.
I’ve started wearing both headphones in my ears in the city.
Everywhere in the city. On the subway? Yep. Down the streets in the dark? Yes. While in coffee shops in line? Absolutely. I was too worried before my two-week stint off at work, but now, while entering the extreme routine of rehearsals, running a company/festival, masters, work and a new social life I’ve found myself settling into Toronto. And it feels right here right now, and its great, but still a bit…unsettling.
I want to take chances, and be honest, and be vibrant and fun and make mistakes and jump around the city in skirts and dresses and drink shots during happy hour and swear at the streetcars and spend hours in bookstores in the rain and drink more than thre coffees in one day and take the subways to the end of each line and lay on the glass floor in the CN tower and just….be. Just live.
I heard somewhere last night before sleeping that the best reveenge for anything and anyone is to live. Just to live your life. And in that same moment they spoke about being hurt and the worst hurt is knowing that you have to live and experience the hurt…but its all about being alive. I think there’s something about living that is so addictive, that is so motivational in a onderful, strange way. I want to experience the minutes that are in my life, and not live a cliche but not live a nothing life either. I feel like my life here in Toronto has become a SOMETHING life, and that, that my friends is amazing.
What a feeling. Guys, I feel everything in such a great way in this moment.
I will be posting more regularly, more posts about my thoughts because while I’m busy the best thing I can share are the ways that I continue to actually live. Here’s mine for today: put both of your headphones in once in a while, put your soundtrack to your life, live. Just live.