I Think I’ve Found a Home Here | #1

There comes a time in everyone’s life that they start to question where they belong.  I’ve thought for three years now that I belong in a city in England where the beer is cheaper than a Coke nd the brownies are delicious.  I’ve thought this, because I have never received the same feeling as I did walking home alone at night, holding a Cadbury McFlurry in my hand, smiling ear to ear so happy to be out on my own and in the world.

I now know that the feeling I was experiencing was true responsible independence, and now, after having lived in a large city, a small one, with my parents and without, I can safely, confidently and passionately say….that it is not London, where I belong, but in a city where I feel that strong sense of independence, no matter where, no matter how small.

I live in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, not very comparable to London on a size scale, but on the youth scale it is brilliant.  The coffee shops, my friends, the coffee shops are miraculous.  The lighting on the streets is beautiful.  The Public Transit, albeit kind of shite is fun and I welcome it with happy smiles and people watching.  I live in a city where I can find everything I’d ever want somewhere close to me, accessibly, and find my way around in the dark in the rain.

They sometimes say that “Home is where the Heart is,” but friends, dear dear friends, your heart goes with you.  I’ve piped on for years about how I have multiple homes, and that it is hard to find a place where I’d love to lay my hat that works for me…I’ve found it?  I think?  I am not sure if I can confidently scream it from the snowy rooftops yet but I can atleast call it, quietly, out my balcony window, while I sit here and write this first post for you, after having walked in the dark in the rain smiling with two ear buds in.

For me the sense of belonging is a feeling that, when accompanied by recognition, I acknowledge and embrace whole heartedly while I can.  I do not always feel like I belong but when it happens I know how special it is. I feel like I belong tonight, in all physical and representative aspects of the word.

How did I find this?  I looked around.  I took very deep breaths (we should do this more often they say, they say that taking large deep breaths into your tummy is so good for you instead of shallow breaths, try it! Right now!) and stopping at the side of the road sometimes to look into shop windows and to watch the sky.  It sounds lame, but it isn’t.  Just…trust me.  I don’t feel like I belong here all of the time, but when I do its magic, and its finally here after six months of hoping for it.

I will stop there, a good first post about belonging, and to all a good 365!

xx Jess




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