Brain Baking | #31

I have been rolling a few ideas around in my head lately, and I thought I’d roll one out here for you, bare with me as I use my mental rolling pin and try and work out what I want from the projects inside of my head.
A kind human told me last week that I needed to not take on everything, that I needed to narrow, to choose, actually more than one compassionate and kind human being in the past week, and that is both encouraging and hard to swallow for me. I have all of these ideas, all of these areas that I want to explore and have ideas about, and I worry that if I shelf them then my ideas will go stale or someone will get there first. Is that crazy?
I look at my mentors right now, and the amount of work that they balance in a day and the accomplishments that they’ve done and the things tht they read, just the large scale and amount of reading that these people do amazes me. I have to be very choosey about what I read because I know in my core that I cannot read every sngle thing that I want or desire to, and so that is already excruciating.
So, right now, when I have a fire burning in my brain for my play, actually two creative projects in particular, but have very little time to feed that fire or let it consume me, that is excruciatingly hard. I worry that my ideas are going to drift away while I consume all of this theory.
I have two big papers that I want to explore, or actually a whole nonfiction novella almost, that I want to dive into headfirst and allow it to also consume me, I want to learn how to cite YouTube videos, so many YouTube videos that it hurts the editor’s head, because I watch enough people that I appreciate their words enough to write them down with meaning together. I want to do this so bad, but I am drowning in other work instead.
I worry that my thoughts will go stale, that my ideas will no longer be relevant, I need this summer desperately to get lost in these ideas. I want my own brain to be my full time job for a month or something. I want that more than anything for this summer.
Its nice to admit that, actually. There it is: I need some creative time to unload my brain.
I have made the realization that things are going to get done, I’m trusting myself to do what needs to get done when it comes to my coursework, that I trust my body isn’t going to give out on me (as long as I keep eating and sleeping…) and I trust that my brain will keep those ideas simmering, boiling, waiting for me to throw them out into the world when I’m good and ready.
Now, back to reading. I got a new note taking app and it is SO COOL so I have been enjoying my readings lately!
Cheers to Monday!
xx Jess


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