I Lit a Fire With the Love You Left Behind

My brain is buffering.  My thoughts are lagging.  I feel the pressure and weight of the world around me pressing into my face, like soft bricks, blow after blow, day after day, it seems that everyone is being beat down in some form or another, and my brain cannot keep up.  I read my social media timelines everyday, mostly absorbed in beautiful, supportive activism, or sharing of “devil’s advocate” posts, thoughts from every crevasse of the internet, and I scream to myself every morning why we have to negotiate everything.  Why we? Why us? Why now?

I know why, please don’t jump on this.

My brain is lagging and I need to emphasize this.  I cannot have any other thought than what I posted on Facebook earlier this month:  I am reaching out for the goodness, and offering it in return.  It seems as though giving goodness comes in short supply these days, and so we stick together.  Despite feeling tired, and half full right now, because of the world around me out of arm’s reach but also more strongly in my own communities right now I believe that is important now more than ever to give the goodness you can to those in your communities who need it.

We all work hard.  No one works harder these days, that isn’t a comparison.  But people do give and take more or the other, people are aware of the amount that they have to give, be honest, but give graciously, because the goodness is multiplied when you share.  And even within this, when you feel beat down, tired, share that too because once it leaves your body its less for you.

Shoulder the weight right now, shoulder the weight for someone, it is that time.

We live in such a selfish time.  Because we are all in it to gain happiness for ourselves, to find that perfect meaningful person, moment, project, that will give lasting change to the world.  We want to be remembered, but by whom?  If you are remembered for a lasting imprint in technology, who will remember you?  The people you worked with, the people you lifted and who lifted you to get there.

I was sitting at a wonderful colleague’s desk this week and while doing paperwork she was shuffling my coffee cup around the surface, trying to find a place to put it, and found one far away from me, when she laughed and as I finished handed it back.  Small, caring moments, that are full, and small, so so small, but memorable because of the weight taken and given, goodness found and appreciated.

There is no solution.  This isn’t just the new normal, people, and it is hard to think about.  But try to remember that you are not an island around here, we are an ocean of islands pinned to our spots together, so let’s lean on each other to get through.  And if its too much to talk or think or give right now, fine, but don’t cast shadows on those who search and give hope right now.

We sit together and drink coffee, and cry, and scream loudly while alone together, and clink glasses and run through the rain and take a risk crossing a street when its not safe and stay out too late drinking with friends so we’re not alone and we use our cane every night so even if we’re alone we are supported and strong.

We sit at tables and drink coffee across from each other quietly.

We sit at tables and drink coffee across from each other quietly.

xx Jess


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