A short burst today as I am in the midst of writing a conference paper, but I had to just write this down and throw it into the universe. As a baby academic I still feel (and wonder if it will ever go away) mildly anxious while preparing to share my own research with others. I hate the thought of writing it, I postponed for two hours this morning claiming I was too tired to focus (when really I wanted to listen to the Q on CBC instead), and then got up begrudgingly to make coffee and sit down to write a paper about something I love. The moment I finished the first paragraph (thirty seconds ago) I realized that the build-up to writing the thing is what scares me, not the thing itself. I love the thing, I love my research, I love the conferences I present at and I love the idea that people are going to listen to me and ask questions. It’s the thoughts that are scary, not the thing itself. I forget this prior to writing everything I will share, and just wish there were some constructive ways to combat that? Any thoughts from the peanut gallery? Because there comes a time in one’s academic life when they realize this is what they are going to be doing forever, and so there has to be a way to stop the anxiety of writing because this is what I love to do.
This is it, I’ve made it, but why is it so hard to start?